Breastfeeding is a high commitment activity. A lot of time and energy and commitment had to be put into it. The waking up to pump (especially if your baby does not want to do direct feeding, like baby Ian) can be so tiresome at times I feel like throwing in the towel and calling it quits.  By the time I am done with the cleaning and sterilizing and expressing, 1 hour had just ticked away. 1hr of precious sleep.

But when I think of how beneficial it is for baby Ian, I kept going, pushing myself to go for another day, another week. I set a goal of minimum 2months breast feeding, and by now I had only managed to accomplished 5weeks of it; another 3 to go. Mothers at my office are very gung ho at breast feeding (well, the ones I met and associate myself with. It helps to surround myself with positive thinking mommies eager to give their babies the best in life), managing to keep going for 10months, 1year and 1.5years.

 As of now, baby Ian’s total intake of milk per day has more breast milk in it than formula. Normally I feed him 2 times of EBM, and 1 time of formula and repeat the cycle. He takes about 3.5oz each time and it lasts about 2.5hrs to 3hrs. I have no idea how to increase my milk production, although I follow certain advice of eating more soya ben milk, and eating green vegetables. But my harvest don’t yield much. Sometimes I still get depressed whenever my supply went to 2oz per pump and I cant figure out the reasons for

 Hubby gave me full rein in deciding whether I want to continue or not, seeing how tired I am, but I decided that I do not want to give up yet; specially after knowing that my breast milk tastes better than formula milk. Enfalac has a kind of smell (well, what do you expect, milk smell la!) while breast milk (freshly pumped) has no smell and is higher in fat content, suitable for babies’ growth. The downside of breast feeding is mothers had to be careful with what they eat, and it’s better to eat more healthy food so your baby can get all the nutrients. I had failed to do that, as I only eat regular meals. ><ll

I woke up at 5am today. Well, really woke up. Not taking into account the 3am feeding, which thankfully hubby took over, and sleeping at nearly 1am. Thank god I had a nearly 2hrs nap in between 10pm and 12midnite. Well, anyways, after pumping at 5am+, I felt awfully hungry, so my mind was thinking on what to cook for breakfast. I got tired of the same old milo & biscuits or milk & cereal combo. Opened up the freezer, and took out the ham, but realized there isn’t enough time to thaw it; too lazy to pop it into the oven either. Checked the fridge and saw some eggs, and tomatoes. So I decided there an then to cook tomatoes omelets, but I Christian-ed them as Italian Omelets, my own concoction.

Since there are no potatoes, I cooked 4 eggs instead of 2. At first I wanted to cook 3 eggs, but I thought, what the heck just finish off the eggs in the fridge. ;p ended up with such big portion for 2 people. I sliced the tomatoes, seasoned it with white pepper (I think black pepper would taste much better, but I don’t have those at home), a dash of salt, dried parsley, Italian herbs and olive oil. Fried them in the non stick pan for a while, until they start to cook, then pour the beaten eggs over it. I mixed a dash of salt and some milk into the beaten eggs too.

The end results, something that smells of Italian due to the herbs, hence the name Italian Omelets. I would have put more ingredients inside, but due to time constraint and laziness, and lack of ingredients, I decided that was it. Heated up some canned red beans, and wallop! I had myself a healthy breakfast. Beats eating in the café.

Hubby did not comment much over it, he just wolfed down the whole thing because he was in a hurry. The only thing he asked is how many eggs I cooked. I had to ask him how it tastes. -_-

Eee, don’t get me wrong, am not fishing for compliments; just trying to determine whether the food suits his taste bud. And normally if he praises whatever I cooked, I will be more gung ho to cook the next time. Since he did not say much, and only said it’s nice when I prompted him, I guess, maybe next time.

 Anyways, lately baby Ian’s face is getting rounder and rounder. And hubby is worried he’s going to end up with a big head with skinny hands and legs. -_- I think that’s not going to happen. Hmmn… and he wakes up like 5am to play around, being so chatty, and poops right after! It has been 2 days in a row. Probably unconsciously he wants to play with us before we send him off to the babysitter. I noticed each time when we sent him there, and brings him home, the first hour maybe he will looked around with a frown on his face, as if trying to recognize the surrounding. Eventually I think when he grows older he might kick up a fuss whenever we send him off. I felt reluctant to come to work in the morning whenever he is being chatty, because its such a joy seeing the smile on his face, and watching him doing his baby talk. my little guy is growing and I’m so in love with him!

 The only downside of baby Ian is he is a very timid baby; poor little fella. Sometimes he wakes up from nightmare and cries inconsolably. And we tried to get him to open his eyes and looked around and to know he is safe, but he just shuts them tightly and gripped his fingers and cried. After hugging him and stopping his cries by comforting him, he will still refuse to open his eyes and just heaved his tiny chest in fear. It breaks my heart to see him like that.

 Because he is so timid, whenever we bring him out, normally he will be sleeping most of the time. At times he looked around, but the ultimate test came when we reached home. Then he will start to kick up a fuss, refusing to be put down and wants to be carried the whole day/night. Usually we (hubby and I) usually we will let him sleep in our arms, and only put him to bed once he is in deep sleep. Sometimes the minute his body touches the bed, he wakes up again and starts to cry. So we had to repeat the whole process. Hubby used to say, managing to put him down on the bed is a great accomplishment. Haha!

 Baby Ian is a joy to be with, whenever he isn’t being difficult. But babies being babies, of course they will have their difficult moments. I accidently nicked his finger when I cut his nails 2 days ago, and he bawled at the top of his lungs, face going all red and tears streaming down his face. I felt so bad and started to cry too. pity him. Sigh… I think the next time I am going to cut his nails when he is asleep. Sigh.

On the upside, hubby has been very wonder in taking care of baby Ian. He wakes up for most night feedings (he complains I snore like a tractor lately, and sometimes immune to Ian’s cries ;p) while I wake up for my milk pumping session. And he helps me to wash the cloth diaper, and baby’s clothes at times. He said he can emphatize with the washing, taking care of baby Ian, night feedings and putting him to sleep as he had done all that. The only thing he cant imagine is waking up to pump and maybe bathing Ian. But I felt he had already done so much, and I am ever so grateful because I know there are some husbands who are not so hands-on with their babies. But the ones I knew, all had wonderful husbands who takes care of them and baby and also the household chores and everything else. I always feel that a woman must marry the right kind of guy to have a happy contented life. walk away from a relationship and don’t jump into a marriage if you ever feel like the guy is not a suitable one to settle down with. I always feel we should never settle for second best in life, especially in matters such as this.