Today I told Agnes, when I looked back at my breastfeeding journey, it feels kinda long because it has been 8months 3 weeks. On the contrary, if I look forward to my 1yr mark, then the whole journey seems to be very FAR. She said I’m very funny. Haha… I think so too.

Anyways, I am just glad I had persevered for so long. It has been a long, difficult ride, sometimes a tad lonely too. No, don’t get me wrong. Hubby has been extremely supportive, just that sometimes expressing alone in the mother’s room feels mechanical; an organ which was touted to be a symbol of sexuality which defines feminism, one that serves as a key to different plethora of heightened pleasures  now merely serves as a functional tool. And Did I worry about it sagging post BF? Of course! But the pros clearly outweighed the cons, so this is a journey I must continue. I admitted to hubby yesterday sometimes I do feel like throwing in the towel, because I am really tired. Each day, I had to plan my schedule around my expressing sessions. Each outings, right before leaving home I will make sure I squeeze in one session, and the first thing that came to mind whenever I reach home is to pump. I am not martyring myself, just admitting how I felt.  Of course all the tiredness is replaced with a sense of contentment each time I see Ian finishes his milk, and to watch that face brightens up my world whenever he smiles or grins. And the real reason which motivates me is that I can’t find it in my heart to feed him with formula when I am still able to do so. I did some top up feedings with formula, but that is as far as I can go at the moment because I believe (and it’s the truth anyway) that breast milk is far superior than cow’s milk.

After telling hubby how I tired I felt at times, he told me he really admired my effort. I feel so appreciated hearing those words. And he told me that he thinks Ian is old enough to be fed with formula. He doesn’t mind if I want to stop BF because he knows how tiring it can be by watching me at times. Tsk tsk… truth to be told, he got me teary eyed in the car. Haha!

I told him I am touched each time when he tries to stay up with me during my last session of the day to help me wash my breast pump. He admitted sometimes he can’t stay up due to tiredness too, and I told him I totally understand. The fact that he tries most of the time is enough for me. Thanks so much love.

Another 5 weeks to 10 months. Gambate!!

Ian wearing mommy's watch. hehe...

Ian sleeping after he got tired of being cranky ;p

I am very excited when I checked my hotmail inbox today. Ian’s photos which hubby and I previously submitted for Candid Camera contest of Parenthood magazine won a prize. It  did not state what prize, just Pigeon products. This is an excerpt from the email I had:

 Dear Sir or Madam,

Congratulations! Your baby is one of the winners for the “Candid Camera” contest in Parenthood magazine (issue September 2010). Your baby had won a Pigeon product.

 Woohoo! So excited! Can’t wait to buy the magazine next month!! :D:D:D:D:D

I forgot which photo I submitted, I’ll upload it here once I can confirm after buying the magazine next month. Teeheee…. The exhilaration is not about what products he had won, more to the fact that he is one of the winners. Hahahaha!

It seemed to me that Ian mastered both his sitting and crawling skills at the same time. Prior to this (6months – 7months old), he can sit up with little support, but he tends to just lie on his back from sitting position because he never get knocked on his head as we always let him frolic around on the bed. So he has acquired that habit. Now am trying to slowly teach him that he cannot do that when he is sitting. In order to lie down, he needs to use his hand to lower himself first.

As for his crawling skills, before this, he crawls with his legs, and slides forward with his head on the bed instead of using his hands to inch forward. He looked really funny, just like a tractor when he does that. With his butt high up in the air and his face splattered on the bed. Hubby taught him how to use his hands and he is a fast learner, because he is already doing that. That kid now climbs all over pillows and me! I can no longer use my body to block him anymore because he will just crawl right all over me to get to his point of interest, which is the door of the room. I think by now he had forgotten the trauma of falling from the bed because he had no qualms about diving head down first. =.=

Lately, he seemed to sleep later than usual. So each time when we were playing on the bed, he never gets tired. He will always make attempts to crawl towards the door of the room, while I will always try to block him off. Whenever he reaches me and crawled over me, I will carry him up and put him right at the furthest corner and he will just start all over again. Both of us will repeat this process for god knows how long, until one of us eventually tires out. After he gets exhausted of doing the same thing repetitively, he will just lie on the bed and play with his smelly bolster instead. And then he starts to ramble. Yesterday, it was “da-da-dei or da dei”, something along the syllable. So he yaks and yaks and finally when he gets frustrated that nobody is paying any attention to him, he sometimes starts to yell or said “huh” just so to get your attention. I pretended to be asleep.

Up until a point he stops his baby talks and starts to roll around, putting his hand in the air to feel his surroundings. And then I fell asleep. I think he did too because when I woke up later on as hubby came in to check on us, Ian was fast asleep.

That little guy has a bundle of energy from god knows where. Hehee..

But I love to play with him. When I greeted him good morning, or good evening, or just telling him I love him, he always grins or sometimes laughs. He is a happy child, whatever funny sound I make triggers him into a laughing spree. And he likes to play hide and seek. Each time it won’t fail to make him laugh.

Yesterday we put him in his high chair while hubby and I was having our dinner, and he keeps leaning towards us, asking us to carry him. And we pretended to ignore him. Consequently, he went “uh.. uh”, just grunting, calling to us. It is his way of attracting our attention. Then he started to chew although there’s nothing in his mouth and swallows his saliva. It was really funny to watch. Pitiful too because I can’t let him yet those food yet. hehee..

Next time my boy, when you are older.

But lately he has been picky, always not finishing his milk. It was heartache on my side dumping the unfinished milk that I had painstakingly expressed for him. He has this bad habit of always leaving 1 oz of milk in his bottle and refuses to drink after that. Hmmph!

Sometimes it is tricky when trying to put Ian to sleep at night.  He sometimes has a surge of adrenaline that I have no idea comes from where, and just refuses to sleep and keeps rolling around. Last night, after having dinner, hubby tried to put him to sleep because Ian looks flattened out while I finished up my portion of the dinner and washed the dishes. By the time I am done, I went into the room to check on him. and guess what, hubby was on the bed looking so defeated and yet our boy was still frolicking around on the bed. When he saw he, he just lighten up and tried to crawled over. hubby told me he tried countless times to cuddle him and sing him to sleep but Ian continued to be alert.

I told him lately I tried not to cuddle him to sleep anymore, preferably letting him roll around until he got tired and falls asleep. But most of the time he got cranky instead and I had to cuddle him to sleep. Haha!

Yesterday I told hubby I will take over from him, so he went out to do his stuff while I stayed in with Ian. At first I let him played around a little longer, and after awhile he started to get fussy so I cuddled him and sang to him. but boy was he alert right after that! As I walked to and fro in the room singing, his eyes just can’t stop taking in the sights. He doesn’t look sleepy at all!

So I put him down on the bed again, and after awhile repeated the while ritual.  And he still refused to sleep. So I let him roll around in the bed some more, and I can feel my own sleepiness creeping in. The last thing I remembered was Ian still rolling around on the bed when hubby came into the room and woke me up. And I found Ian curled up on my side sleeping peacefully with his bolster in his face. I took away his bolster, placed my arm around his back and continued sleeping happily.

Oh ya, did I mention the little guy had a really funny habit of always using his hand to feel things around him when he is half asleep? He will be semi conscious, and closing his eyes, but his hand will be up in the air feeling the bed, bolster and basically just the air before he finally settles down into a deep slumber. Hubby and I find that amusing and really funny to watch, it is as if he must touch everything and make sure it is his before he dozes off. I must take a video of this one of these days as memory.

Ian sleeps in a funny posture most of the time. A normal person turns a whole 90degrees or 135degrees when they sleep on their side, but Ian only turns about 45degrees whenever he sleeps on his side, so ended up he looks really funny when he sleeps. And sometimes when he is half awake, his hands will be searching for something to hold, as if he is looking for security. Or when he smiles in his sleep, he looks really adorable I felt like smooching him endlessly! These 2 nights, as usual I need to carry him to sleep. And I like holding him in my arms and smelling his head when he is fast asleep. After making sure he is in his deep slumber, and then only I put him down on the bed. If I put him down too fast before he is really asleep, he usually cries. He is ticklish on his chin, the sides of his armpits and also the bottom of his feet. He has a tinkling laughter that warms my heart. All in all, ever since I had him, my life has changed tremendously in a way I can comprehend, and I embraced motherhood with vengeance.