Unfortunately for hubby, on reunion day itself, I developed fever and dizzy spells due to breast infection. How did my breast get infected? Ha! Because of back to back meetings on Friday, I pump later than normal, and the engorgement led to infection. It was darn painful, and initially on Friday I thought it was just normal engorgement and will go away by itself, but by Saturday morning I was having fever and chills, so off I went to a gynae in Pantai Hospital because my usual gynae was on leave. The doctor from Pantai confirmed it was mastitis and she prescribed me with antibiotics. There are only 2 courses of treatments for mastitis; one is to take meds to stop the production of milk which is the easy way out because then I would not have to live with the pain, and do not have to cart my “black bag” for days without ends, but I want to continue breastfeeding, hence the antibiotics.

 Pumping was painful for the next few days, challenging because the milk duct seems to be blocked and milk could hardly come out, and yet I still need to pump and hand press but the breast is hard like stone at times. It came to a point when I was crying due to the pain and stress and fatigue because I need to pump every 3 to 4 hours to avoid further engorgement, but my head was dizzy and I was nursing a fever and feeling so exhausted. It never crossed my mind to take the meds to stop the milk production, so I did not regret my decision to go with the antibiotic. But I needed mental support during that time, and I was on the edge of breaking down each time while I need to pump. Hubby was busy taking care of Ian who is still cranky due to his fever, and I feel he had enough on his platter, so I did not talk to him on my feelings. I ended up calling Ira and crying over the phone, and she consoled me and told me it happened to her too, and asked me to take it easy. To not overdo the pumping and take care of myself foremost and breastfeeding comes second. If I feel like quitting, it is always alright, but she knows I am strong and can pull through. Heck, I know I can overcome that obstacle too, just that I needed to vent.

 Maybe I was too caught up in my obsession to breastfeed, so it never crossed my mind to quit. The only thing is to sustain it for as long as possible, in order to give Ian the best. Ian doesn’t like to drink plain water, so during the time when I was on rash meds and could not give him my breast milk, his poop became harder and his urine is yellow in colour which is not good. So best way is to give him breast milk so his water intake is enough.

Since I was on the antibiotic,  I discarded my milk from left breast for few days. He only gets the milk from the right breast, in pittance amount but something is better than nothing.

 I really feel like god is challenging me, stretching me to my limit to see how far he can push me before I throw in the towel. I am super gung ho on breastfeeding Ian (although partially cos I don’t have enough milk to go exclusive on him), but I kept being kicked to the left and right by unseen forces, falling sick ever so often and needing meds. I have never been so frequently sick in a year, but now I am needing meds every 2 weeks. Ian is only 9weeks old, and I have had literally a whole year of meds in my body; from the paralytic illness, to bum rash, to skin rash and now mastitis. Sometimes I feel like a sick joke is being played on me and even YK find it sadistically funny. -_-

But heck no, I am so not giving up on breast feeding, so I will strive on. Give me your best pitch and we shall see me hitting home run each time! Blek!

p/s: kudos to hubby for juggling me and Ian for few days while we both had fever… thanks love!

Things took the turn for the worse on Sunday. It started with diarrhea in the early hours around 6am+, followed by vomiting of just water. And then I took another glass of water to replace the lost fluids, and it came out 10mins later. After that I just lay on bed like a dead fish and forgot to drink the other glass of water hubby brought for me. Little did I know, all hell just broke loose.

When I woke up in the morning, I drank the glass of water, and it came out too. All of it.

After that, I had half a piece of bread with milo, and I puked them out too 10mins later, followed twice by diarrhea.

I told hubby I cant stand this anymore. Let’s go to the clinic.

Off we went, doctor gave a couple if sachets, and the whitish liquid for gastric (Gaviscon – which I had already took all this while but failed to numb the pain ) and I went home thinking that all will be well.

But I was proven wrong again when my lunch came up a little while later.

So what I did was trying to drink water in 2 small gulps instead of a whole mug.

I had 2 pieces of Chinese pear (the yellow colour ones which was juicy) and I puked them out too. Tadaa!! 6^th time of puking.

The whole afternoon, I refused any food intake and just stayed with small gulps of water.

By dinner time, I had a few spoonful of pan mee, thinking that the worse is over. But no, hell not! Those few spoonful of dinner with a piece of pear went down the drain too.

I cried and told hubby I cannot do this anymore. And there he was trying to comfort me telling me this will all be over soon. But still I was sobbing pitifully at him. At one point, I got scolded when I told him to just let me die. -_-

Imagine going through all the puking with gastric pain that won’t go away???

After the 7^th time of vomiting, I took a few spoonful of pan mee and went to sleep. Hoping that it wont come up later.

But I can’t sleep the whole night. With the nagging gastric pain, that wont go away no matter how much Gaviscon I drank (at one point, 2 gulps at a time), I tossed and turned and unconsciously disturbed hubby too.

Monday morning, woke up with the pain and decided to go see the gynae to see what she says.

After a long wait in the hospital, it was finally our turn. And she advised to get admitted for IV (intravenous) drip for fear of me being dehydrated, and gave me 2 injections, 1 for anti vomiting and another stronger medicine for gastric. Although occasionally it made me feel better, but still the gastric pain will be around.

I got poked 3 times. Once to withdraw blood for blood test, 2^nd time when the nurse said that my vein is crooked and proceeded to fix the situation but she cant, so she poked another vein harder to put in the IV drip. Dang!

Painful. And the whole time which she was poking, I kept reminding myself, that this is nothing compared to labour pain. -_-

And by afternoon when the gynae came, I asked her whether it would be possible to go home instead of spending the night in the hospital. I don’t like hospitals. Nobody does anyways.

And I got home, ate my meds as usual, but the nagging gastric pain still lingers until today.

Sometimes it got worse after meals. I don’t think its due to pregnancy.

Hubby said to go tonight to the panel to see whether they will give referral letter, and then visit the specialist in Pantai Hospital which I used to go to.

* A gross entry. Don’t read if you have a weak stomach.

A starter breakfast of Milo and Ritz crackers, and ten minutes later every ounce came out in 2 retches in the bathroom. Is pregnancy fun? Nope!

Bits and pieces of dim sum after that at 10.30am, I was just poking and nibbling most of it. It stays in the tummy. Is pregnancy fun? Eee… I guess so as long as food stays INSIDE.

Lunch at 12+ at banana leaf; tomato rice with vegetables and mutton and my favorite papadam, washed down with a glass of teh ais. Reached home 30mins later; Wham Bam!!

Made it to bathroom in the nick of time, although the bounty of first retche ended up in my cupped hands. 2 or 3 retches later, everything came out on the bathroom floor. It was certainly a big mountain of rice. Is pregnancy fun?

No way!!!

It smells of icky indigested food. The only upside is the vomiting was pretty smooth these 2 times. No choking because I had plenty of liquid with the solid food. Is it advisable to drink water whenever I take solids?

Erm, I don’t think so. Makes me feel like a bloated whale fish. -_-

Is it all worth it? A resounding yes to that question, as long as the little fella is growing healthily. Truth to be told, that’s what kept me going in the bad days. And believe me, I had it every week.

It’s like a wheel set in motion. After a couple of good days, I should be expecting a couple of bad days too.

Although lately the bad days are far in between, narrowed down to 2 each week, but I still couldn’t help secretly wishing that I might have a good week, until reality sets in. Dang!

And the funny thing is, I try to do everything in a calm and nice manner, so that I won’t upset the little one inside me. Boy, sometimes I do have a tough time trying to rise above (like an angel) to keep my temper at bay.

And keeping my language in check, but the occasional fuck do slipped out. kekee… both hubby and I.  That normally happens when there’s an errand driver(s) around.

Some people are just plain stupid and thick headed. I always tell hubby to collect rotten eggs so I can throw at these drivers whenever the occasion calls for it. Wishful thinking.

Thank god that the fetus won’t be able to hear us yet. I suppose?

Oh ya, today we went to lorong Kulit to get some fruits, and the bloody tout asked for rm2 from us for parking. WTH!! He wasnt with the municipal council, and was just there to literally “beg”, and when I handed him 50cents out of charity, he demanded rm2. Is there an efficient place for me to launch a report so these unscrupulous people are nabbed by the authorities? They are all over the country and bullying the civilians into giving them money. I really wanted to kick his ass today, considering the fact that he had the nerve to reprimand me of giving him 50cents instead of rm2. And these people are able bodied, young males who has every piece of limb intact!! Go and get a decent fucking job. I hated with my guts each and everyone of them. Seriously. If I have an ounce of supernatural power, I think I would have sent him flying or turn him into a toad instead; or secretly, if my emotion wasn’t in check, I might even be capable of murder at one point. Dear god..  -_-

Don’t say I did not warn you.

While I was talking to my cuz yesterday, it strikes me that it was indeed a dramatic (kind of) day. Well, not really, but you’ll get the hang of it once I explain it.

Finding out one of my favorite pair of shoe is missing, and when my curiosity leads me to another discovery that left me speechless.

Money taints friendship if you let it get inside your head and run you down, and eventually you will become a nameless road kill.

That is beside the point; however, if you happen to find out that your friend is unethical cunning “well intentioned” to a point that in order to commercialize their skillset as a trade, suddenly you are the pawn in their business strategy. If they would have told you about it is fine, but if you suddenly discover that your wedding slideshow in on youtube without your consent or a courtesy fyi to you from the said person who posted it, it kind of left a bad taste in your mouth, and worse, a slight tinge of disappointment.  

So in order not to make situation fugly, you just keep quiet about it and did not confront the culprit.

Now dear readers, THIS is very unlikely of ME!!

But then again, the said person is not actually my friend, but rather kh’s. So I guess I’ll just be contend with the role of a meek housewife. Hehee… Oh ya, did i tell you that the said person brought along his dslr to the wedding dinner (mind you, we did not hire him as a photographer), and said he just take pictures for fun and will give us, and ended up giving both kh and I low resolution pictures because we decided not to engage his wife’s photodesign and photobook services? Was i wrong in the first place to assume that normally friends who took pictures at  your wedding will give you pictures in their original or better resolution because that is just the things friends do. Apparently, my wisdom 2cents regarding life’s experiences failed me in this. Bah!!

Yesterday was a hectic day, rushing from one end to the other. First of all, they said the units will come in at 2pm, and we are required to send the first cut analysis at 4pm.  And YET it reached pg site at 4.45pm. Good lord, I have a movie at 6.50pm!! So there I was rushing like mad woman trying to finish up the tasks on hand and by 630pm I am almost done and leaving office with yy. And on the way to qb, the road was kinda jammed up with cars and retarded drivers but we managed to reach by 645, although parking took us an awful 10mins resulting in us being late and kh n Stanley waiting for us with our orders. I felt no liking for gsc hotdogs therefore I had already called ahead to ask kh to buy both me and yy a box of tako balls, a cup of corn and some wedges. I was so hungry but the thought that I can eat all those stuff while watching spiderwick kinda appeases my grumpiness!! By the time yy and I reached gsc, its was nearly 705pm. But I took comfort in knowing that gsc NEVER starts the movie on time. There is always half hour of repeated adverts and some movie trailers and that always cost 15-30mins of the patrons’ time.  So the first thing I said to kh and stan when I reached was “I am sorry for being late” and “faster stuff the food in my bag (tako ball + wedges). There is the “no outside food policy”. Then stan said there is no need for that as they put it together with the hotdogs. But I was thinking it was kinda obvious and wondering how are we gonna get away with it. The tako balls boxes wasbasically screaming for attention!! But I just dropped the subject because stan said they wont stop us, and THAT was the mistake I made, cos I never insisted to stuff those food in my bag! Talk about having faith when it is likey to happen. I guess being famished clouded my judgement. -_-

We were stopped by the gsc girl on our way in and she confiscated our food!! My fucking food! (oh well, mine + yy’s) and both of us are left with only a cup of gsc corn to devour. I was so bloody pissed when the girl stopped stan that I just walked ahead without uttering a word with annoyance clearly plastered on my face and smoke literally out of my ears!! Imagine being hungry and to be deprived of food!! L

Kh knew I was pissed beyond words when I walked off and he tried to catch up with me, trailing meekly behind me ( well, he was never meek, I just wrote that to exaggerate ;p) when we were seated, he offered me half his hotdog, so I got a cup of corn to eat and a hotdog. Pity yy, she only had a cup of corn.  And pity kh too, he only got half of the hotdog. That cant be enough for him!! (That smart ass said its ok for him to be hungry, but not ok for me… aww.. how sweet can you get in moments of bleakness J) I feel so bad. And I now knew that next time, I shall always INSIST to have my way when it comes to smuggling food into gsc.  

p/s: and you know what sucks most? We missed first part of the movie by a few minutes. I don’t know why the hell they started on time for this movie!! I was nearly reduced to tears…..for all the bad things that just happened………..Sob sob L

i dont blame the gsc fella for confiscating our food cos clearly we are wrong, I was just pissed cos I did not insist on hiding the food in my bag!! who the hell I think we are to commit crime such blatant disregard against the rules in broad daylight -_-

on a lighter note, having kh around always makes things better in moment of bitterness